I used to be so good at this. I was spending my days, not chanting, never did, but living an every day life filled with a maximized sense-pressence. Know what I mean?
If I were to ever find my self with just a liitle more courage than I needed.. I'd sign up for singing lessons. Or kidnapping a friend to join. I have to have someone to giggle through the first 15 minutes, until I can step out of my silly-fiveyearold-bubble and become a sincere grown up. But it's the closeness that's scary. If I'm about to strip soul-naked in front of someone I don't know (or worse - someone I do know) and explode in artistic vulnerability, It takes a lot of.. I don't know, distance? Like, you transform into "someone who sings"? Or how does it work? When I belly dance, I transform into "an entertainer". Though it takes a lot of practice to be comfortable in that role. Not there yet :)
Now I'm a business woman. With grand plans of how it all will result in me walking the beach somewhere with a wild kid running around, walking barefoot with Mr husband-Jakob in a sarong, me that is, ok him too, sarongs are nice. Working 4 hours a week, maintenance work. And doing what I love: Sharing. Giving. Helping. Assisting. Being in the mother energy for all that needs a little comfort and caring, or a lot of it.
This post is all about being true to yourself. I wrote down my own truths, how they look right now.
I'd love for you to share what you're inner checklist looks like! Just a few short, but powerful sentences to capture what feels true to your heart. If you're not clear about what it is, this could be a little enlightening moment for you. Shoot and show me!
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| My inner Checklist |
Up until now (and I count "now" as a rather long, ongoing period), I've been occupied with personal bits, like getting healthy and glowing enough to live my dream, though getting closer every day. And funny enough, it's the people that treated me bad, that I got the most out from, when it comes to dignity, integrity, boundary setting, and feeling my raw truth, standing up for my self and my beliefs, not compromising with the important stuff. But..
With toxic people there's only one rule: when you've learned the lesson they have for you - cut them off your life. (when you get the message hang up the phone).
I read something yesterday that really got my vibe down. Someone, with good company, totally made fun of Gabriel Cousens in a discussion forum with a silly image of him having dollar signs in his eyes and other silly things. They were all talking B.S. about him being so focused on making money. I'd say it's nobody else's business, what business you have for your own life. What your dream looks like, how you want to spend the day of the life that's been given to you. It's your full birth right to be wealthy, in what ever way you need and want to ("wealth", is so much more than money). What I read yesterday in the discussion forum, was such an under dog:ism. If you can't recognize your self, put your self at the top of your life, you sure as *h* can't stand seeing anyone else do that thing ether. So you have to B.S. about it. Sad... Jealousy. It always brings me down seeing or hearing people that can't celebrate other peoples successes. Again, if you can't celebrate others success, you can't celebrate your own, or probably you don't have success in your life.
And what about the war that's going on in the raw food community, between the sub groups? Eating 30 bananas a day or not? Eat as much fruits as you can v.s. eat as little fruit as you can. God... I wish people could stop arsing around with their food, acting like it was some sort of cult and just have a good time. It's like a dear friend of mine always said; don't get lost in your head, it's messy in there. And that's where you end up if you invest all of your ego in your eating. You become very vulnerable.
The last week I have completely snorted the music of the cute man-boy John Mayer, (ok, ok photos and interviews too) *busted*. I discovered him years ago, but re-discovered him just recently. It's so refreshing with people that's comfortable in them self, just doing their thing, know what I mean? Not being so freaked out what others will think.. opinions.. values. And when you've sort of taken someone in, and sensed something that you like, you'll find yourself wanting to know ~everything~. When I've overdosed gorgeous John (actually the message he has there), I'll throw him in the garbage :) Fun ey? ^^
NEXT!! I had a total Alanis Morissette-addiction the period before John. Listen non stop to her music (love the lyrics) every hour, every day for a week. Now I can't stand it. I soaked it all up sort of speak.
I'm tired of spiritual prestige. Of spiritual got-to-do-it-all-right-love-and-light. I'd love for people to make up their own set of rules, rather than following others :S That would be so liberating! Make your own checklist, on what's nearest and dearest to you. You don't have to get the spiritual "high score", in saying all the right words. Realize that you are the guru you've been waiting for. If you like to screw around - do it! If you like Herb - smoke it! If you like unnecessary high heals shoes - for the love of God, go get those shoes! And if you're a woman, surrender to this lovely quote I found today:
"Well behaved women seldom make history"
Doesn't it feel good, letting go a little bit? Loosen up? Embrace All of you? I sure think so ^^
Tomorrow, I'll buy miself new boots. Expensive ones, I don't really have a budget for them, but gotta have them. I'm not a shoe kind of woman, but something must have changed inside of me, because suddenly I just have to have them. You only live once, make the best out of it, and right now these new shoes will warm my heart every time I look at them, take them out for a walk for months, and months to come. That's good enough reason for me!! ..I who could only feel good if I had done all the "right things" during the day: eaten insanely healthy stuff, done my yoga and exercising (pilates), being a slave under the spiritual books I read, letting the words and meanings in the books become my truths, rather than creating my own, from life experience, having my home in a pixel perfect condition and on top of that trying to act bohemian (???) haha.. funny combination. I just turned 30, so I guess I have all the distance now that I need to see right through me with love. Ok.. Enough closeness now, otherwise I'll start talking about things I wouldn't want my mum to read..
And don't forget to do that checklist! ♥
With love
/Karolina~
